Lifestyle

Are You Right for Each Other? (200 Points for Your Relationship Health Index)

Cladia Vanluxi · 2026-04-12

Wondering if you’re truly right for each other, or looking to strengthen your bond and discover new conversation starters? This comprehensive checklist is designed to measure your “relationship health index.” Each checkmark [X] represents a strength or a healthy aspect of your interaction. Use this test to spark thoughts, deepen your communication, and identify areas that could use a little extra love and attention.

How to Interpret Your Results and Relationship Health Index

Remember, no relationship is perfect 100% of the time. The outcome of your 200 responses gives you an indication of your foundational security and growth potential:

• 180–200 checkmarks (Gold Level): You have an exceptionally strong and healthy relationship. You’re a cohesive team with high trust and shared values. Keep nurturing what you have!
• 150–179 checkmarks (Stable & Secure): You have a very good and secure foundation. The unchecked points are likely natural growth areas or minor everyday frictions.
• 100–149 checkmarks (Work Needed): You have a functioning relationship, but there are significant cracks in communication or differences in values. Sit down and talk deeply about the unchecked boxes.
• Under 100 checkmarks (Warning Zone): If more than half of the boxes are unchecked, it indicates fundamental issues in trust and respect. Ask yourself if the relationship gives more energy than it takes.

Three Golden Rules for Evaluation

1. Pillar 1 (Trust & Respect) carries the most weight. Without respect and security, the relationship isn’t sustainable in the long run, no matter how many checkmarks you get under intimacy or everyday life.
2. Gut over numbers. If you check 190 boxes but feel a strong knot in your stomach about the last 10, it’s those 10 that matter the most. Trust your intuition.
3. Identify trends. If you had significantly more checkmarks a year ago than today, it’s a warning signal that you’re moving in the wrong direction and need to prioritize each other.

If you’re interested in reading more about the research behind stable relationships, you can buy the book Hold Me Tight at Bokus. If you’re seeking professional advice or couples therapy, you can quickly book a therapist at Mindler.

For those looking to deepen communication through evidence-based couples therapy, it’s recommended to explore couples therapy at Evidentia Psychology. For municipally subsidized family counseling, you can apply for support at Stockholm City. Finally, if the concern in the relationship involves control or insecurity, you can get free support at Kvinnofridslinjen.

The Checklist: 200 Points for Your Relationship

Pillar 1: Trust, Security & Respect

#	Statement / Topic	Check [ ]	Evaluation & Link
1	Do I feel a deep sense of security when we’re together?	[ ]	Read about attachment at Bokus
2	Can I leave my phone unlocked in their presence without anxiety?	[ ]	Read about trust at Bokus
3	Do I trust them when they go out with friends?	[ ]	Read about trust at Bokus
4	Do I feel my partner respects my “no”?	[ ]	Book couples therapy at Mindler
5	Have I ever felt pressured to do something I didn’t want to?	[ ]	Get support at Kvinnofridslinjen
6	Am I heard when I set a personal boundary?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
7	Does my partner respect my dreams, even if they seem illogical?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
8	Do I feel they speak well of me to others?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
9	Do they keep their promises when it comes to small things?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
10	Can I rely on them in a major life crisis?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
11	Is there room for me to have my secrets without it being called betrayal?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
12	Do I feel emotionally safe when I cry in front of them?	[ ]	Book at Mindler
13	Is my partner honest about their finances?	[ ]	Apply at Stockholm City
14	Have they hidden significant things from their past?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
15	Do I feel they are loyal to me when their family criticizes me?	[ ]	Apply at Stockholm City
16	Do they get jealous if I receive attention from others?	[ ]	Book at Mindler
17	Do they control who I talk to?	[ ]	Get support at Kvinnofridslinjen
18	Can I express a differing opinion without them getting angry?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
19	Do I feel I need to hide my successes to avoid hurting their ego?	[ ]	Book at Mindler
20	Do they treat service staff with respect?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
21	Are they someone I look up to morally?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
22	Am I ever embarrassed by their behavior in public?	[ ]	Book at Mindler
23	Can we talk about ex-partners without drama?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
24	Do I feel calm when my partner travels away?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
25	Are they consistent in their behavior towards me?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
26	Do they make me doubt my own perception of reality (gaslighting)?	[ ]	Get support at Kvinnofridslinjen
27	Do they apologize when they are wrong?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
28	Do they accept a “not now” without punishing me with silence?	[ ]	Book at Mindler
29	Do I feel beautiful even when I’m most vulnerable?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
30	Do I trust their judgment on important decisions?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
31	Are they physically gentle with me?	[ ]	Get support at Kvinnofridslinjen
32	Do I feel they see all of me, not just a role?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
33	Can we laugh at our own mistakes together?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
34	Are they supportive when I’m sick?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
35	Do I feel prioritized in their life?	[ ]	Apply at Stockholm City
36	Do we have the same definition of fidelity?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
37	Are they someone who spreads rumors about others?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
38	Can I relax in their presence without feeling I have to perform?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
39	Do I feel they genuinely want the best for me?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
40	Do I believe them when they say “I love you”?	[ ]	Read at Bokus

Pillar 2: Communication & Conflicts

#	Statement / Topic	Check [ ]	Evaluation & Link
41	Can we talk for hours without getting tired?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
42	Do they listen fully before interrupting?	[ ]	Book at Mindler
43	Do they understand my silent signals?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
44	Are our arguments constructive or just hurtful?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
45	Do they use personal attacks during discussions?	[ ]	Book at Mindler
46	Can we discuss politics without becoming enemies?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
47	Do they bring up old mistakes in new discussions?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
48	Do I feel my partner understands my perspective?	[ ]	Book at Mindler
49	Can we talk about sex openly and freely?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
50	Do they use silence as a punishment (silent treatment)?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
51	Do we talk about our feelings regularly?	[ ]	Apply at Stockholm City
52	Is it easy to reach them when I need to talk?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
53	Can we sit in silence together without it feeling awkward?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
54	Do they speak more “we” than “I” when we plan?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
55	Can we joke about difficult things without being disrespectful?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
56	Do I feel I can finish my point?	[ ]	Book at Mindler
57	Do they validate my feelings?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
58	Are they defensive when I bring up something that hurt me?	[ ]	Book at Mindler
59	Can we solve a problem without someone having to “win”?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
60	How do they handle stress – does it affect me?	[ ]	Apply at Stockholm City
61	Can we talk about money without arguing?	[ ]	Apply at Stockholm City
62	Are they good at giving constructive feedback?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
63	Do they tell me when they’re angry, or do I have to guess?	[ ]	Book at Mindler
64	Can we talk about our fantasies?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
65	Do they listen to my advice?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
66	Are they sarcastic in a way that brings me down?	[ ]	Book at Mindler
67	Can we discuss the future without it feeling scary?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
68	Do they give me space to process thoughts before I respond?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
69	Are they open about their failures?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
70	Can we talk about parenting (even if it’s not current)?	[ ]	Apply at Stockholm City
71	How do they talk about their friends when they’re not around?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
72	Do I feel our conversations make me smarter?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
73	Can we sit down and have a “status meeting” about the relationship?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
74	Are they clear about their expectations of me?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
75	Do they become aggressive when they drink alcohol?	[ ]	Get support at Kvinnofridslinjen
76	Can we talk about death and difficult life choices?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
77	Do they understand my humor?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
78	Can we communicate with just glances in a room full of people?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
79	Are they comfortable saying “I don’t know”?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
80	Do I feel inspired after our conversations?	[ ]	Read at Bokus

Pillar 3: Future, Values & Economy

#	Statement / Topic	Check [ ]	Evaluation & Link
81	Do we want to live in the same place in five years?	[ ]	Apply at Stockholm City
82	Do we have the same view on what “a lot of money” is?	[ ]	Apply at Stockholm City
83	Are we in agreement about having children (or not)?	[ ]	Apply at Stockholm City
84	How do they view equality in the home?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
85	Do we have similar religious or philosophical views?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
86	How important is status to them compared to me?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
87	Are they a saver or a spender?	[ ]	Apply at Stockholm City
88	Do we have the same level of ambition in our careers?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
89	How do they view helping family members financially?	[ ]	Apply at Stockholm City
90	Are we in agreement on how much we should travel?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
91	Do we share views on personal hygiene and health?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
92	What is their definition of a “good life”?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
93	How do they view drugs and alcohol?	[ ]	Book at Mindler
94	Are we in agreement on time with respective families?	[ ]	Apply at Stockholm City
95	How do they handle setbacks, like unemployment?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
96	Do they want to get married, and do I?	[ ]	Apply at Stockholm City
97	Do we have the same views on fidelity and monogamy?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
98	How important is it for them to “fit in”?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
99	Could we manage a project together (e.g., renovating)?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
100	Do we have similar political values?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
101	How do they view the environment and sustainability?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
102	Are they a morning or night person – and does it work?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
103	How do they view taking loans?	[ ]	Apply at Stockholm City
104	Are we in agreement on how much truth to tell others?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
105	How do they view personal development and therapy?	[ ]	Book at Mindler
106	Do they want pets?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
107	How do they handle traditions and holidays?	[ ]	Apply at Stockholm City
108	Are they willing to move for my sake (and I for theirs)?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
109	Do they have a realistic view of the future?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
110	Do we share the same view on what is luxury?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
111	How do they view getting old?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
112	Are they someone who gives up easily?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
113	How do they prioritize their health compared to their job?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
114	Are they judgmental towards people who are struggling?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
115	How do they view education?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
116	Are we in agreement on how to celebrate successes?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
117	How do they view inheriting or giving away money?	[ ]	Apply at Stockholm City
118	Are they willing to sacrifice comfort for morals?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
119	Do we have the same view on privacy in social media?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
120	Do they believe in lifelong love?	[ ]	Read at Bokus

Pillar 4: Everyday Life, Intimacy & Interaction

#	Statement / Topic	Check [ ]	Evaluation & Link
121	Do I feel a physical attraction to them every day?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
122	Is our sexual chemistry satisfying for both?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
123	Can we talk about our needs in the bedroom without shyness?	[ ]	Book at Mindler
124	Do we kiss every day?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
125	How do they react when I’m not in the mood?	[ ]	Book at Mindler
126	Do I feel seen when we have sex?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
127	Are they generous in bed?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
128	Do we have the same need for physical closeness?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
129	Does our daily logistics (shopping, cleaning) work?	[ ]	Apply at Stockholm City
130	Do I get annoyed by their little habits?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
131	Can we cook together without arguing?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
132	Do we have similar taste in decor?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
133	How do they handle it when I’m tired and grumpy?	[ ]	Book at Mindler
134	Do I feel I can be “ugly” in front of them?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
135	Do we have fun doing boring things (e.g., grocery shopping)?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
136	Do they compliment me on my personality?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
137	Do they compliment me on my appearance?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
138	Do I feel lonely when we’re in the same room?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
139	What does a perfect Saturday look like for both of us – does it match?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
140	Are they good at surprising me?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
141	Do they take the initiative for dates?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
142	How do they react to my successes?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
143	Can we share the responsibility for a pet or child?	[ ]	Apply at Stockholm City
144	Are they my best friend?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
145	Would I want to hang out with them even if we weren’t a couple?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
146	How do they view my family?	[ ]	Apply at Stockholm City
147	Do my closest friends like them?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
148	Do we have a shared hobby?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
149	Do we give each other space to have our own hobbies?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
150	Are they proud of me?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
151	Can we travel together without chaos?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
152	How do they handle it when things don’t go as planned?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
153	Are they someone who spreads or drains energy?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
154	Can we lie on the couch all day without guilt?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
155	Do they remember important dates?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
156	How is their relationship with their own parents?	[ ]	Apply at Stockholm City
157	Can we be a “team” in social settings?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
158	Are they kind to children and animals?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
159	Do we have an inside joke only we understand?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
160	Do I long to come home to them when I’m at work?	[ ]	Read at Bokus

Pillar 5: Personal Growth & Self-Esteem

#	Statement / Topic	Check [ ]	Evaluation & Link
161	Do they make me feel smarter?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
162	Do I dare to pursue my own dreams thanks to them?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
163	Has my self-esteem improved since we got together?	[ ]	Book at Mindler
164	Do they make me want to be a better person?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
165	Do I feel I can develop independently of them?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
166	Do they feel threatened if I earn more or achieve more success?	[ ]	Book at Mindler
167	Do I still have my own friends from before?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
168	Do I dare to admit when I’ve messed up in front of them?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
169	Do I feel I am enough as I am?	[ ]	Book at Mindler
170	Do they try to change my personality?	[ ]	Get support at Kvinnofridslinjen
171	Do they encourage me to meet my friends alone?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
172	Are they proud of my interests, even those they don’t share?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
173	Do I feel I have my own voice in the relationship?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
174	Do we have a balance between “we” and “I”?	[ ]	Apply at Stockholm City
175	Do I become a worse version of myself when we argue?	[ ]	Book at Mindler
176	Do they inspire me to learn new things?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
177	Are they a safe point in my personal development?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
178	Can I say no to their plans without feeling guilty?	[ ]	Book at Mindler
179	Do I feel free in the relationship?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
180	Would I manage well without them (but choose to stay)?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
181	Are they a person who takes responsibility for their own happiness?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
182	Can we grow in different directions and still stay together?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
183	Do they give me constructive criticism that actually helps?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
184	Do I feel they trust my ability?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
185	Are they a good role model for me?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
186	Can we give each other constructive feedback without drama?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
187	Have they helped me through a difficult time?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
188	Do I feel my needs are as important as theirs?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
189	Do we have a healthy power balance in the relationship?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
190	Do they make me laugh at myself?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
191	Am I happy with who I’ve become in this relationship?	[ ]	Book at Mindler
192	Can I express deep fears without being mocked?	[ ]	Book at Evidentia Psychology
193	Do they give me compliments that aren’t just about performance?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
194	Do I feel we are building something valuable together?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
195	Would I choose them again if we met today?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
196	Am I my authentic self with them?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
197	Do they give me the security to fail?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
198	Are they the first person I want to call when something good happens?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
199	Are they the first person I want to call when something bad happens?	[ ]	Read at Bokus
200	Do they genuinely make my life better?	[ ]	Read at Bokus